She cannot do it. Junior year. These words want her to be dead. Thrown in a ditch. Gone. Junior year is next Tuesday, and she is scared. The future haunts her and keeps this feeling of uncertainty burrowing in her. It seems like yesterday she was in diapers and now. Now she is going into the hardest year of high school. And then she will be going off to bigger and better things. She felt this feeling of uncertainty. Like when her dad had a talk with her a few weeks back about not knowing what to do with her life. He thinks that she is so much smarter than a flight attendant. So does her whole family. They wanted her to be a doctor and keep it in the family. Being a flight attendant is her one true aspiration. What if she does not make enough money and she goes bankrupt? Her dad keeps bringing up the money aspect of the job. She did not want to go to school for another 8 years, though. She wanted to enjoy the fun times college had to offer but she also wanted to be done.
Her cousin suggested a lawyer. Absolutely not. Her mom explained to her that she wants her to do whatever her heart desires. One thing with her mom, though. She does not want her to go out of state. Ever. She just wanted to be gone. As far away from the small town of Jackson, Tennessee, as she could get. Like New Zealand but that was never going to happen. Too far. She wanted to be done with high school. The long hours of staying up to complete the one question she did not understand in Geometry. She did not want to finish high school though. She would be gone from all her friends she made along the way of her journey. All her hard work. All her time spent. Gone. Everything had gone by too quickly. She knows the next two years will be the most challenging, but it would be worth it. Yesterday she was sobbing over the chemistry homework she did not know how to do and now she is going on to better things. AP U.S history. So exciting. AP Environmental Science. Can’t wait. She does not even know what she wants to do with her life. Last Tuesday her friend was rambling on about how she wanted to be a chemical engineer and how amazing it would be. Oh, kill her now. She didn’t like the stress of not knowing what to do with her life. So she never thought of what she wanted to be. Recently she has been thinking because she graduates in two years. She thought it was for the better not knowing what she wanted to do with her life. Then she would not stress herself out. It is not for the better. Her friends kept bringing up what they wanted to do with their lives. Not her. She was a flower in the desert. She would not survive. She snapped back to reality as her mom walked into her room.
All her hard work. All her time spent. Gone. Everything had gone by too quickly.
“College tour Friday," she said and hastily walked out of her room. She stared at her ceiling for a while. She was thinking about how she was merely only a junior. College tours? She does not even know what she wants to do with her life. College tours? This burden of panic rolled into her brain. It will be fine. Everything will be perfectly fine. She did not even know what college she was touring. Her mom is dead set on her going to the University of Chattanooga. She liked the school, but it did not feel right. Nothing felt right. She wanted to go West. Far West. She would figure it out eventually but now was not the time to stress over school. School was starting. She had friends to hang out with and long nights ahead of her. She had dances to go to. She could not wait to have so much fun in her last two years of high school. She was excited as she got up to go hang out with 3 of her best friends. Enough of thinking about the negatives of the future. She was in control, and she would make this the best year of high school she would ever have.
